On Marriage, Socrates, and Socrates’ Marriage

Like every normal human being with access to Google, I search everything that comes to my mind. Usually these searches are limited to Arsenal, Arsenal FC, Arsenal Football Club, AFC, Arsenal: the club that invented football and plays with such divine beauty that its blasphemous to share it with another team and shall henceforth “play with itself” (and still shall not win anything)

But lately, my mind is full of deep dark thoughts. Thoughts of human bondage marriage and being yoked together forever companionship. The fact that yours truly has decided to take the final plunge may have something to do with it. Consequently, I spent some considerable time doing what I am expected to do. Search the world wide web for everything nuptial.

This is how a typical web search progresses for me

  1. Google ‘”X”
  2. Read the Wikipedia entry
  3. Google “X + cast”
  4. Shift to YouTube. Search for “X + season n trailer”
  5. Search for “X + full episodes”
  6. Torrent search for “X + complete season (with subtitles)”. Start download.
  7. Oops all drives are full. Frantically search for external hard disk. Realize it is on the other corner of the room. Make space by deleting last season of House MD.
  8. Start House MD marathon

(As you can see, my MO would not work for deep dark thoughts going through my mind.)

While on the topic of Marriage, I found this interesting thought by certain Mr Socrates.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

– Socrates

Funny chap that fellow. I don’t think he ever had a moment of peace after saying such utter rot. But that made me wonder what kind of wife he had. Consequently, I delved deeper into the abyss of Socrates’ marital life. As it turn out, this Socrates fellow was married to a funny character called Xanthippe and had three kids with her.

Xanthippe, in Greek means a “yellow horse” or a “blonde horse”. Fair enough, her father had a sense of humour. So according to general belief, Socrates’ wife looked like:

Socrates loved bestiality

or worse looked like the most famous blonde horse that ever lived:

Sarah Jessica Parker

Either way, you cant blame the old chap for becoming a Philosopher. Not surprisingly, his views towards marriage were very similar to taming a horse. He once said, (possibly at a pub, pissed drunk, after his football team was relegated from the third league):

It is the example of the rider who wishes to become an expert horseman: “None of your soft-mouthed, docile animals for me,” he says; “the horse for me to own must show some spirit” in the belief, no doubt, if he can manage such an animal, it will be easy enough to deal with every other horse besides. And that is just my case. I wish to deal with human beings, to associate with man in general; hence my choice of wife. I know full well, if I can tolerate her spirit, I can with ease attach myself to every human being else

What a time it was, the ancient Greece. A man can liken a woman to an animal assured of the fact that no bra shall be burnt in response. What a happy blissful time.

Not so blissful was the Socrates household apparently. A well known anecdote about his wife is the one where she was so angry with her husband that she emptied a chamber pot full of water on him. The philosopher then replied: “After thunder comes rain.”

Take that you filthy scumbag

“Take that you filthy scumbag!”

One thing, I have learnt in my 8 years of relationship, comparing your soul mate to a horse (no matter what her name!) does not work well for you, nor do the wise cracks!

If you have any comments, advise, experience about marital bliss and preservation therof, leave a coment, no?

You can share or leave a comment anyway.